When Christmas Isn't Merry

Today is Christmas Eve.  Tonight we’ll attend a candlelight service at my brother-in-law’s church; have dinner with my husband Bob’s family and drive home and anticipate all the merry mayhem that will take place tomorrow.

But something is missing.  Christmas has snuck up on me once again and I admit I’m going through a bit of holiday depression. 

Every Christmas season it happens, and every Christmas season I say I’m going to do it better next year.  Focus on Jesus more.  Listen to some more Christmas music.  Create some new holiday tradition. Make the house a little more festive.  Participate in one of those advent celebration rituals. 

But the season gets by and I realize that I’ve done it the same way I’ve always done it and it feels like something is missing – like somehow I’ve been cheated out of some Christmas magic.  Christmas is just sneaky that way.  It begins in January - creeps in slow and then takes off like rocket. 

It’s been a tough year (But haven’t most of them been?).  Let me count the ways:

 · My oldest child, Drew is still living 2,300 miles away in Seattle and I miss him and his wife Ashley terribly. 

· My oldest daughter Meagan moved out in the spring and is spending Christmas in Alabama with her boyfriend, Ethan, and his family. 

 

·  Bob was out of work for nearly six months. (But thankfully he’s found a new job.) 

· I got transferred to a new location and position on my job at the prosecuting attorney’s office (Against my will, I might add) and now my face is stuck in more mayhem and murder than before.  
 
· The day Bob went back to work, our back door was kicked in, our home invaded and some of our possessions were stolen.

· Then last month, we lost my sweet father-in-law James to cancer.

· And adding to the bittersweet – “ness” of this year – it’s just now hitting me that this may be the last Christmas we have with my youngest Bethany living under our roof full time as she prepares to graduate from high school and go off to college. 

The only thing that’s brought me through this tough year with a modicum of sanity is the hope of Christmas.  Not ‘Christmas’ the holiday, but ‘Christ-mas’ the Savior. 

More than the Christ-child in the manger, He is the God-man who gave His life for me.  And that would be true even if I was the only human being who had ever lived.  And it’s true for you too. 

It’s the Christmas gift that has kept on giving and it’s brought me through another tough year on planet earth. 

Again, let me count the ways:

 · When I’m worried about my kids that live out from under my roof – I pray for their safety and trust that God will watch over them.

·  When we were down to one job with one meager salary for the second time in as many years, I prayed for provision and we never missed a meal or lost our house. 

·  When my own job situation changed and I found myself angry and confused, God   answered with a whole new group of co-worker friends and people to encourage and pray for. 

· When I see tragedy and destruction that my job puts in front of me or think about the danger in the world around us, I hold on to the promise that one day the Savior is coming and He will wipe every tear from every eye.  (Revelation 21:4)

 
· While watching James suffer from the cancer, we prayed for healing and comfort.  God answered by calling James Home to place he’d longed for more than anything. 

There is a place in God’s house that Jesus has prepared for all of us who believe. Jesus said:

 

 “In My Father's house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.” [John 14:2-3]

 

I can’t tell you what the hope of that statement does for me.  Well – Okay – I can:

It is the ultimate unwrapped Christmas present waiting for me that is my hope and longing that nothing in, of or from this world can EVER give me.  In the middle of life’s storms I can pause, wrap myself in the comfort and security of it and know peace. 

Sometimes I wish I could plant myself in that comfort forever and never leave.  One day at the end of this life I will.  In the meantime, I take the hope with me and I have a place here on earth to live and work and serve – and a job to do.  God has called me to minister, and this year I’ve done a poor job so far.

So I’m asking myself that profound question that John Lennon asked: 

 

“So this is Christmas. And what have you done? Another year over and a new one just begun.” [Emphasis added]

 

Really, it’s just time – past time - to bring my poor, depressed, broken self to the altar and pray for an answer. Then take that answer to the streets.
 

What about you?  What have you done?  What can you do?

Today is Christmas Eve.  (That’s where I came in with this musing). I haven’t missed it.  You haven’t missed it.  Let’s spend the day thinking of ways to give gifts that go beyond underneath the Christmas tree.  We can be living, breathing gifts to those around us. 

And Christmas doesn’t have to be the dividing line between a tough year and a new year’s resolution.  It can be the launching point between depression and the abundant life Jesus promised (John 10:10).  If you believe in the One who promised it and believe He will empower you to carry on and thrive.  He will, and if you believe, you will. 

Merry Christmas.